Hello, and welcome to my online support group for women seeking meaningful longterm relationships. I call it Get Laid.
My name is Mary Christmas, and I’m a virgin.
I haven’t always been. There was a time when I went like a rat up a drainpipe, especially when the lights were out and I was wearing a mask.
But a couple of years ago WHEN I WAS TWENTY I felt I needed something more lasting than the stains on my nightie, so I decided I’d start all over again and save myself for marriage. A toe here, a nipple there – it all adds up. It’s a bit like life insurance, when the policy matures I’ll have lots and lots and lots!
I started going to Internet chatrooms, but I had to stop after the restraining order. I don’t see what’s so wrong with grooming. It’s all right when apes do it, but apparently I’m not allowed to go online and say I’m seventeen. Then I thought, if I become a big household name, with everyone wanting a piece of me, then getting a husband will be a lot easier. And I can stop writing to all those prisoners.
And now I’d like to share with you my mantra that I developed at the Chant Your Way To Success seminar. You girls looking for romance may find it very inspirational. Read carefully:
A STRANGER IS JUST A HUSBAND IN DISGUISE.
Say it at least ten times a day. When you’re on the bus is good, you can get some surprisingly positive results.
REMEMBER, A STRANGER IS JUST A HUSBAND IN DISGUISE.
Don’t forget, you heard it first from me, Mary Christmas, your personal love trainer.
My name is Mary Christmas, and I’m a virgin.
I haven’t always been. There was a time when I went like a rat up a drainpipe, especially when the lights were out and I was wearing a mask.
But a couple of years ago WHEN I WAS TWENTY I felt I needed something more lasting than the stains on my nightie, so I decided I’d start all over again and save myself for marriage. A toe here, a nipple there – it all adds up. It’s a bit like life insurance, when the policy matures I’ll have lots and lots and lots!
I started going to Internet chatrooms, but I had to stop after the restraining order. I don’t see what’s so wrong with grooming. It’s all right when apes do it, but apparently I’m not allowed to go online and say I’m seventeen. Then I thought, if I become a big household name, with everyone wanting a piece of me, then getting a husband will be a lot easier. And I can stop writing to all those prisoners.
And now I’d like to share with you my mantra that I developed at the Chant Your Way To Success seminar. You girls looking for romance may find it very inspirational. Read carefully:
A STRANGER IS JUST A HUSBAND IN DISGUISE.
Say it at least ten times a day. When you’re on the bus is good, you can get some surprisingly positive results.
REMEMBER, A STRANGER IS JUST A HUSBAND IN DISGUISE.
Don’t forget, you heard it first from me, Mary Christmas, your personal love trainer.
